Dr Nikki Goldstein is a leading sexologist and relationship expert who is widely known through her media work, she has just partnered with pleasure product We-Vibe and we were able to talk to her about the partnership and her career so pull up a seat and prepare to think twice about what tantalises you.
Hi Dr Goldstein, welcome to Beauty and Lace. Thanks for taking the time out to talk to us.
Can you tell us how you came to pursue a career as a sexologist?
I have always wanted to help people and after finding myself working as a family mediator and assisting in the divorce process between couples, I realised that there were so many people in this situation because they did not have enough information about love, sex, relationships and even how to be in a functional relationship. My focus then turned to education and it was only after I had interviewed a sex coach for an article I was writing that I found Sexology and fell in love with it and what it taught me.
How did it feel to be the first Australian to receive a Doctorate from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality?
The school I attended is very small and based in San Francisco and is not easy logistically to complete a degree. I was fortunate to find it but it also took a lot to complete a doctorate this way. I consider myself so lucky that a chance encounter led to a letter of recommendation for my application. It is an amazing place at which to study because you are able to live, study and socialise with people from all around the world and from across different professions. I learnt just as much from them as I did from my classes.
Recently you partnered with We-Vibe, can you tell us a little about what the partnership will involve?
I have always owned We-Vibe products and still have the original We-Vibe so I was thrilled to learn that they were wanting to do some work around the new We-Vibe 4 in media and very much wanted to be a part of it. Many people are scared to push adult products in the mainstream and audiences can sometimes be unaware of what to do with them or why they even need them. That’s why I love the role I have with We-Vibe. I am not only helping them get their product out there but also helping to educate people about how it might be useful in their relationship; how it is beneficial and at the same time normalizing the use of these types of pleasure products.
What can you tell us about We-Vibe?
The new We-Vibe 4 is a great couples product that can be inserted during sex for both his and her pleasure. The reason I especially love this product is because it stimulates the g-spot and clitoris whilst the man is able to enter for penetration. As many as 80% of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation and feel the need for something extra in the bedroom, however many men feel left out by the presence of a sex toy; as though they are not needed or left out when it comes to pleasure delivery. With a product like this, everyone can be happy.
Being a relationship expert what do you think is the most important piece of advice you could give a couple?
Communication! It really is the key to a better relationship and sex life. You need to know what each other want both in life and in the bedroom and be able to discuss any issues or underlying problems in the relationship. But couples need to remember to keep communicating. We can often take each other for granted and continue on as though we are in a relationship with the same person from the beginning. But we do change and so do our wants and desires and this needs to be communicated as well.
You are a regular on TV and radio shows, as well as in print media and on the net. Do you also have an office practice where people can come in and see you?
I have chosen to go down the path of education instead of private practice. In order to be able to educate people about relationships and sex, I felt it was important to target a wider audience than just those already seeking assistance. This way, I can help people who may not even know they need it. I love to be able to reach people through the avenues of TV, radio and print media who might not be thinking about sex, relationships or dating in a particular way but after reading something I have written or said are encouraged to further explore or look at a sexual subject in a different way. It’s about challenging the average person to think differently.
How do you manage to find time for it all?
Sometimes I wonder that myself, especially considering I am not the most organised person but there is method to my madness somewhere. I think it’s because I really love what I do and I am passionate about it and I work because I enjoy it . I am always eager to find new ways and new opportunities and it keeps me on my feet but also motivated. If I want to do something I go and do it, I don’t just sit around waiting for it to happen (and I also know what I definitely don’t like so that points me in the right direction).
How important do you think sex toys are to a healthy sex life?
I think they are very important but in the label of sex toys I also include things such as condoms and lubricant as well. Sex toys are products we can have fun with and should never be seen as a last attempt to save a relationship. For years women have gone without sexual pleasure in order to please a man, but why can’t we have both? Sex toys can add to a sexual relationship and also improve satisfaction. If satisfaction levels in the bedroom are higher than it is more likely that the amount of sex that is going to be had is greater. There are also a lot of products now for men as well to change things up in the pleasure department, it’s not all about vibrators anymore (although every girls needs at least one or two or maybe even three).
Were you surprised to discover 69% of sex toy owners in Australia are married or in a long term relationship?
No and I think if more people were really honest when it came to sex studies we would see that number increase. Sex toys are a great product for couples as it gets you communicating about your sex life, what you like what you don’t like and what you might want to explore. Also couples who have been together for a little while and are not only comfortable with each other enough to explore this avenue but also might feel that sex has dwindled slightly and want to give it a good kick start. It might also just be a matter of wanting to see what heights a couple can take pleasure to.
What does being a woman mean to you?
It has a different meaning for everyone and I do believe it is beyond just female sexual organs. As women we all feel a different purpose in life. I am very maternal and think it is amazing that the female body is able to birth another life, but if a woman does not want to have children then she is still just as much as a woman. We are no longer living in a time where being a woman has strict guidelines, laws, restrictions and rules so I encourage all women to find out what they want out of life regardless of what everyone else is doing or thinks they should be doing too.